And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
and sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah, you bleed just to know you're alive

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am

Sorry people, pls stop reading hereon. For the moment, I really have nothing interesting, nothing remotely positive to write. Promise I'll try, really hard.

It's only when you leave, then people stop taking you for granted. I can't believe i even considered the factor of being close to the people here, being close to home, in my decision. I considered the age of my parents, their ability to finance me abroad, and their feelings if they saw me go, when the other two would not and would just disappear in a flash. They're most certainly not coming back. They're doing so well elsewhere. Turns out the one who loses everything is the one who worked the hardest to get where? Nowhere. I really wanna be able to see myself somewhere in the future, but i can't. Even my uni friends are telling me not to worry cuz girls can marry and live off their husbands. Why is this becoming the social norm? I've done everything i could to make sure this does not come true. Yet, what's the worth of a degree in this place? What's the worth of a degree with an insubstantial GPA and zero CCAs to back it up? At least a degree elsewhere would have that inevitable effect on someone that it is impressive that she has lived on her own, she knows how to be independent, and being in Singapore, the place where Singaporeans are really 2nd class citizens, how much worth does a local degree hold in the eyes of an employer? Why is it that when i ask my female peers abt whether they're worried about their future, about their career, about whether they've seen enough of the world to be able to impress their future employers, they pull the i dont plan that far ahead i just wanna be a housewife eventually. Why does smu strike me as a taitai in training facility?
My future means the world to me, but in a moment's folly, i've flushed it down the drain and i have no one to blame but myself. And I can't stop blaming myself. I just can't, dont ask me to, don't ask me why. Staying in sg has also made me learn that when u're around too much, people tend to take you for granted.
Quoting a friend, u care too much about others. I should just stop all that and focus on myself. focus on building my character, focus on not building my life around friends, focus on learning to do without friends, focus on operating as a single unit. Cuz one day u'll lose it all, u know. Lose ur friends, find urself alone anyways. It's already starting, by caring too much about others, u've made urself too available, u've been taken for granted, your friends no longer give a shit about u, girl. No one cares.

It's getting more painful falling for him. I just know i'm only putting myself up for hurt. I don't know why he matters so much, and don't know why I can't stop myself acting like a total idiot. Getting to know him better day by day is even worse, cuz i'll fall for him more and more, cuz he can actually make me laugh, he can actually encourage me, he can actually inspire me, he can actually show that he cares when on the surface he's got such a cold and superficial facade. Maybe I like him cuz i just knew there was something more to him. But I have to stop all this, I have to find closure. In any way possible. Soon enough, i guess i'll have to tell him, then do my usual disappearing act. I have to start believing the worst of him. I guess i'll never have that fairytale i've always dreamed of, that romantic comedyish situation where i can be comfortable being the clumsy, shoots herself in the foot, idiotic, crazy girl. Have u ever wondered why is it that that one person u fall for, never feels the same way abt u? Life is a sad game, don't cha think?