Thursday, January 13, 2005
niNe dAys-iF i Am
So you're standing on a ledge,
It looks like you might fall
So far down, or maybe you were thinking about jumping
And you could have it all,
If you learned a little patience
For though I cannot fly,
I'm not content to crawl
So give me a little credit,
Have in me a little faith
I wanna be with you forever,
If tomorrow's not too late
But it's always too late when you've got nothing,
So you say
And you should never let the sun set on tomorrow,
Before the sun rises today
If I am,
Another waste of everything you've dreamed of, I will let you down
If I am,
Only here to watch you as you suffer, I will let you down
So you're walking on the edge,
And you wait your turn to fall
But you're so far gone, that you don't see the hands up held to catch you
And you could find the fault,
In the heart that you've been handed
But though you cannot fly,
You're not content to crawl
And it's always too late when you've got nothing,
So you say
But you should never let the sunset on tomorrow,
Before the sun rises
If I am,
Another waste of everything you hope for, I will let you down
If I am,
Only here to watch you as you suffer, I will let you down...
So you're standing on a ledge,
It looks like you might fall...
If I am,
Another waste of everything you've dreamed of, I will let you down
If I am,
Only here to watch you as you suffer, I will let you down
The answers we find are never what we had in mind,
So we make it up as we go along
You don't talk of dreams, I won't mention tomorrow
We won't make those promises that we can't keep
I will never leave you
I will not let you down
I will never leave you
I will not let you down...
ahaha in a "if i am" mode. haha... i put the same song up recently too.... haha. oh well. screw everything.
i'll never be good enough for anyone or to anyone.. even those who're obliged to see me as an equal of others. i just... never measure up, do i? and well im coming to the point of being sick of trying. so yea ignore me while i blend into the background.
anyways... these few days been pretty much going out and stuff... walking ard feeling so damn broke... and listening to my parents tell me this job is not good enough that job is not good enough. oh and tell me how great my brothers are, so smart, plan their lives so perfectly and everything. oh when some of my friends introduce jobs to me but it's kinda too late cuz the job was given to someone else, they wind up blaming my fren, saying that they purposely held back and very selfish and all that. WTF. dont think im being allowed to live out teenhood in peace.
sometimes i just hate being different. or the extent to which i am. pple don't like u cuz u're different u know. they only play pretend. unique is a nicer way of saying that u're a sore thumb.
anyways kinda lost track of what ive been doing... just rem tues went out with kel becks and just shopped i dint really buy anything but kel spent like... the amt i have left in my atm. haha whoa. was ok la.. ate my delicious fav nooch black pepper beef udon... absolutely the best... and got percy pigs and cheeze tasters at marks and spencer. im really piggy.
then wed... went out with baby till ard 5 sth... just walking ard she was looking for a bday prezzie and a little black number. hahha... and i was looking for a bday prezzie. haha...i got myself a pair of nice playboy earring studs!!!! niiiccee... but one of them... the stick broke off. freak. now i only have one playboy! hahaha. but it matches the pencil kat got me frm gold coast! so pwetty. hahaa... as in it's exactly the same as the metallic playboy logo hanging frm the pencil. love it man.
haha and baby told me abt mao and her grandma baking new year cookies. haha... her gramma got new cookie cutters... and soooo cute... she was like telling mao that she got really nice really cute bunny cookie cutters... and made her go see the new cookies she made with those cookie cutters. and guess what?????? the cookie cutters were really playboy logos. sooo funny.. the poor old lady. hahaha but it's so cute. then at nite... went to holland v for coffee with lianghui he wanted to go wala wala at first when i told him me and becky got thrown outta there once cuz we werent 23... and they raised the age limit... then he was so amused cuz he went drinking there just the last week and he said "let's go there i haven seen anyone getting thrown out yet" haha thanks alot. he tried to find a back door to slip into... haha but no back door la.. it's upstairs lehs. then walked ard and finally settled on coffee bean. haha then we just sat and talked and talked. kinda amusing. and me being the fiddly person was fiddling with my pure vanilla cup and it freaking dropped onto the floor... and i was like so shocked like how the hell did that happen? then i was like screw it. dun wanna be nice and pick it up for them to throw. haha... basically he wasnt as ego as i tot he was last time haha in fact he was pretty nice scaring me w all the army ghost stories. but haha there's this story frm the driving ctr... not ghost la but his friend, and she got so nervous during driving when she kept shifting the wrong gear and got scolded, she started shifting the instructor's knee... goodness that's like freaking funny and embarassing. ahaha and tdy i told elisa they all that story and elisa started laughing sooooo loudly in big o in paragon that i also started laughing real loud. hehs. ahahah two pple without ettiquette. hahaha... so funny. but anyways i found an explanation to two of the army stories. haha. oh well it was nicer than expected talking to him.
then tdy we celebed elisa and shao's bday at big o... and me and ching ordered duck... WTH... i was having such a horrible time with the duck. haha... freaking stupid duck. stewpid duck. so hard to eat!!!!! knife and fork and duck dun go togehter i felt like killing all ducks in the world. and the duck left me hungry... so little meat!!! haahaha... huge plate tiny serving bleh. hhahaa but so weird the waitress serving us was this ny girl... adeline... rem seeing her ard sch... think she was bballer... then last time when i hung with some bballers then saw her playing and talked abit. and just realised i forgot the name of the bballer girl i used to talk to.. short hair dark and mich loh's good friend. then we ate cake. and then i almost slipped on ching's slipper. DAMN. in the middle of big o? not very glam. hahaha.. oh and me and ching decided it was so unglam eating duck that on dates we shall not eat duck. but like it'll apply to me. hahaha... then went to wait with elisa for her mom opp that cd shop... wahaha... sooo cuuutteee they were playing sway by michael buble or sth cant remember... or maybe it was another version. but this guy in uniform... he was dancing into the store like some idiot but damnnn cute cuz it's so funny. then saw this late middle-aged couple who were dancing with each other outside the shop and the guy even dipped the woman like ballroom dancing type? yup... damn cute... young at heart. they were sooo cute. haha.. wish all couples ended up like that. but marriages... 99.9% are not happy. i mean then why all the cynics who don't believe in love? haha. one day i'd like to end up like that..like end up with someone who's not afraid to do stupid embarassing fun stuff and well game for everything! haha.. wish it were real... that whole trapped in ur little world forever thing and keeping ur little world intact. wont it be beautiful? but life's just not like that duncha think. if u take sth too seriously, esp a relationship, u'll only end up hurt...the more u fall the harder u fall. kinda see them as one way streets with nth but some dark cold dead end. i tend to always see the end of such stuff before they even begin. haha call me the pessimist but really. and even fond memories can start hurting. yupsssss. im such an idiot aint i... the new year's resolution i promised baby... haha im just gonna try k baby. try really really hard.
missing the army pple already... think they're getting busier... sucks.... haha but my daddy bothered to sms me just to say hi. means alot already that he gives a shit giving that he comes under the old friends category and my faith in old friends is starting to falter. well merv's in teo chee hean's son's platoon so he's having the easy life and daddy is in his section so i guess he has an easy life too. haha and daddy and merv seem to be getting along... haha i like that. missing merv's insults and missing going out with shawn they all and the bumming we did before ns after As. haha like talking till like 4am after korea. haha and he had to walk back then haha yikes it's like a ghost story and sig park is not THAT near. haha. wish i lived at highgate walk with kat and xiaowei.. so convenient...walk down then it's sig park. then i'd go use the gym and pool there. haahhaa yayyy maybe will work out with them when they come back! haha. im so fat now. i... wobble.
anyways... gtg sleep... getting tired with all that frustration so cya.
She needed someone at 8:09 AM
