Friday, November 12, 2004
GoO gOO dOLLs-nAmE
And even though the moment passed me by
I still can't turn away
'Cause all the dreams you never thought you'd lose
Got tossed along the way
And letters that you never meant to send
Get lost or thrown away
And now we're grown up orphans
That never knew their names
We don't belong to no one
That's a shame
But if you could hide beside me
Maybe for a while
And I won't tell no one your name
And I won't tell 'em your name
Scars are souvenirs you never lose
The past is never far
Did you lose yourself somewhere out there
Did you get to be a star
And don't it make you sad to know that life
Is more than who we are
You grew up way too fast
And now there's nothing to believe
And reruns all become our history
A tired song keeps playing on a tired radio
And I won't tell no one your name
And I won't tell 'em your name
I won't tell 'em your name
Mmm, mmm, mmm
I won't tell 'em your name...
Mmmmmm
I think about you all the time
But I don't need the same
It's lonely where you are come back down
And I won't tell 'em your name
just came back from this dinner... yay... can afford my ipod now. i can go jogging with my ipod and everything. i don't need anyone anymore. whee it's good to get a bursary and go get an award on stage(w/o falling over cuz of ur heels).. haha it feels great to go up there and shake some old guy's hand and take a pix with an envelope and the old guy. hah. my table was stiflingly quiet. and the guy i was sitting nxt to is this rj scout... and goodness, me and the girl beside me were trying to talk to him cuz there were too many awkward silences and he was so... monosyllabic. it's a nod, shake head, and stuff. and i know he can smile or laugh! cuz he ALMOST smiled/laughed when everyone, inc him, were dying from some opera lady's singing. gosh, people can do with more friendliness. the hc guy beside him was more friendly, and actually had more facial expressions than one. goodness... it was so boring at my table i almost died of boredom. it's like no doubt's don't speak in the literal sense. i mostly talked to the girl nxt to me, and there wasnt alot to talk abt. i seem to be the only crazy a leveler there. oh but there was this guy who brought his books and notes to study at the table. haha... and my parents wanted me to sit nxt to him... so i could see the stage. i totally refused to get my butt off my seat. but it was scary man, the thick book and the many notes. and the weird off-comments. oh goodness. and guess what? my table was the first to leave when the dinner ended. the last dish came, they finished it and before i knew it they were all gone. and i went along and went gone with the wind! damn. the rest of the tables for the young pple were still filled with pple chatting and laughing happily. ARGH. and they looked more like year 2s. i should have chosen the other table. anyways there was a cute guy there. hahaha.. but that's not the main reason even thou there's eye candy with real nice eyes... cuz i kept having to look over cuz it's in the direction of the stage... and well everyone was TALKING! the most interaction we had was eye contact when the opera lady sang and everyone made a few comments and covered their ears or massaged their temples cuz of the headache the opera lady gave them. actually, my table's reminiscent of nj. haha. now i wish more than ever i had chosen the other table. it's like a case of turn left turn right. damn. TURN BACK TIME!!! bleh... and i thought it'd be cool to meet youths my age who're hainanese. i don't know anyone who's hainanese and i thought they dont exist anymore. haha wore this lilac satin dress i got frm this celia loe factory sale yesterday. went shopping with my parents there.. and yea. that dress is really nice! simple, and a really pretty colour. and i got a pair of really funky deep red satin pants/slacks. and they match this satin silver top i got... the top's really unique and it's got some rhinestones on it. my parents dun like it cuz of the neckline and backline. haha. but i like its.. uniqueness. but i think it may be abit too big for me. shucks. oh i got this black dress too! and this grey biased hemline skirt! very pretty and flowy skirt. and the black dress is just nice. i saw this maroon coloured dress that was backless and it was really nice!! but the front part was too huge... like the straps were wayyyyy huger than my shoulders. damn. got this office women's jacket that's like.. short... so i can wear for casual wear, esp overseas, like just match it with like a simple tank inside and a flounce/pleat skirt. when i get one. and got this denim and red faux leather or pleather tote bag... yay. it can fit my ipod or digicam or whatever. big enough for streetwear. yay. but im still gonna carry my big black old bag. it's been thru too much with me. but yea at least i have bags to match? hah. whatever.
okay, feeling kinda inferior now. whee. haha so ironic. and no it's not cuz of my name is xiao okay stupid merv always jealous of pple who're better than u at econs!!! waha. haha... it's like the feeling like u're not good enough for the people ard u, friends everything. kinda the feeling like u're missing something. haha... and just inferiority compared to everyone. hah. oh noooo it's catching up. my major inferiority complex! haha or was it always ard all along? haha thanks cher!! for trying to cheer me up but nahh i cant bluff u, i don't have the three things u said... haha. or at least if i have it, it's in a very horrible way. hah. im so good at this.
bleh... cher wanna give u a big hug together with mich and mao and bell and whoever whatever. stupid babymich... make me miss everyone so much now with so much talk. haha...baby u're infectious!
the worst feeling on earth has to be a feeling of loss... hah. the feeling u've lost something very dear, something u believed in or anything that meant something to u. everyone's lost plenty havent they.
haha. hate myself for always doing sth drastic then scattering the crime scene. haha. had this dream long ago... i dreamt after i told him, i didnt run away as i did, i didnt tell him i didnt want to be friends again, i didnt talk to him monosyllabically. i dreamt i just hid. but what's the difference? but yea in my dream i was found by dunno who and they made me face my fears... of facing pple? hah. sounds idiotic. yea and we talked. i forget what it was abt. but we talked and it felt nice. hah. what's going on with me.
anyhow digressing, this song's frm goo goo dolls and i fell asleep to their cd yesterday. haha i love falling asleep to music...one day i want a hifi set and my fav cds will serenade me to sleep... so nice! for every part of my life, there's always a song or some music to go along with it. haha. listened to iris, slide, sympathy, name(this song) and some others. but this one rocks the most. i love iris and slide alot but ive put their lyrics up before. one day i shall cycle while listening to iris and just spread my arms out... like meg ryan in the movie city of angels... haha it was so sad... i almost cried. almost. but they can act out the emotions really well. but i hated the ending. i totally hate sad endings. thou they leave u wanting more. but yea... i love iris...it's the kind of song anyone can relate to.
but this song is mighty mighty full of meaning innit? haha. well yea i pretty much highlighted so many parts. haha..im gonna do the dissection of the lyrics again. as i always do for songs with lots lots lots of meaning. haha. it's dumb. but i like it. lyrics make up a song... they inject emotion into it. or else it's just sth that is too difficult to understand by just listening.
"And even though the moment passed me by
I still can't turn away"
we've all come so far in life... we've passed so many moments by haven't we. moments make the memories... and we always wish we could live in a beautiful moment. but when the moment's passed u by, u just find it difficult to accept it and walk away... like turn away, like that moment's done nothing to make ur life more special. you can't ignore its significance.
"'Cause all the dreams you never thought you'd lose
Got tossed along the way"
duncha think? dreams are what we're made of... since forever, we've always wanted to be somebody, we wanted to do something that means something to us, and it hurts so much when others try and squash something u believe in. dreams can mean so much, from the most trivial things to the hugest, most impossible ones. but dreams are always something we want so much, it's an ideal state. but along the way, when we hold our dreams like precious pearls, and try to protect them, it's inevitable that there's those who'll come along and make u believe less in urself and ur dreams. when all along, u were right. the strength dreams give u, u just think that u could hold on forever. but it's never true.
"We don't belong to no one"
we're always lost arent we. there's never anyone to look to, we'll always have ourselves, but never have others. u find urself deserted.
"But if you could hide beside me"
it's just the song saying... you could hide beside me... don't everyone have a part of their lives where they just need to hide away from the world? so no one could touch them to hurt them or anything? u just shrink away into nothingness. or wish you could. well think this verse talks abt how someone's saying that you could go to him/her to hide, like u've got someone to go to, to talk to or anything, to hide. or just sit there feeling vulnerable. it just feels better hiding, with a friend.
"And I won't tell no one your name"
this is one of my favourites. haha... it's like you could tell someone all ur secrets everything u're feeling anytime u need to, and that person would listen and never tell others what u've said. so ur feelings can remain personal... and yours to hide away. there's someone to act as a kind of a safe. but it's so hard to find this kind of security and trust.
"Scars are souvenirs you never lose
The past is never far "
This is another one of my favourites... haha second favourite nxt to i wont tell no one your name. haha. havent we gone through so much in life, that we get scars in our beliefs and dreams? and these are souvenirs we never lose in that they're memories from our past then will always come back to hurt us. u'll always remember everything that's hurt u. and sometimes these scars stop u from believing in lots of things. cuz it'll hurt too much to believe again then get hurt again. u cant put ur heart and soul into another gamble. and as cliched as it may sound, it's true that no matter how fast and how long u run, the past will always catch up with u.
"Did you lose yourself somewhere out there
Did you get to be a star"
sometimes out there, we just tend to lose yourselves to become someone others want us to be. or someone who's such a star, that u think that that's who u should be too. then u lose ur sense of self. somewhere out there u've lost that person u were always comfortable with being. and became someone who others cant recognise anymore. we keep sacrificing our old selves for something newer, but newer isnt always better.
but with age, people change. and then comes loss.
"And don't it make you sad to know that life
Is more than who we are"
well isnt it true? we're surrounded by people, and then the life we live, is always more than who we are in that we try to be more than we can be, try to be more than who we are. we always try to be someone else. and life is also made up of so much, memories, others, everything and anything.
"You grew up way too fast
And now there's nothing to believe"
i've been watching people ard me and all that, and it just seems we grow up way too fast, we get jaded so quickly, we've lost so much of ourselves along the way, we don't even know who we are anymore. we don't know what we're made of. we don't know what defines us. is it looks? character? personality? academics? talent? there's so much to define ourselves by... and when we lose so much along the way, get hurt along the way, see so much along the way, we learn so much that there's nothing left to believe in. cuz life's destroyed every inch of faith u've had in something intangible. something that meant the world to u could mean nothing to u now.
"And reruns all become our history"
maybe sometimes we come across second chances... the same situations.. and they're all part of our history and will become our history anyhows. everything we see now, it's a reflection of some point in our life.
"It's lonely where you are come back down
And I won't tell 'em your name"
this verse is simply about trust and security again... and it's like how when u're up so high... being someone else... u just feel so surrounded and yet so alone. u just need someone to tell u come back down from that reverie that seemed so beautiful when u werent living it. and everything u feel, all ur secrets, are safe with someone.
this song, it's just sweet and beautiful. maybe i've lost memories. maybe we should all stop trying to make use of each other, cuz in the process, someone always gets hurt.
She needed someone at 8:46 AM
