Wednesday, August 25, 2004
giNny oWens-If yOu wAnT mE to
The pathway is broken
And the signs are unclear
And I don't know the reason why You brought me here
But just because You love me the way that You do
I'm gonna walk through the valley
If You want me to
'Cause I'm not who I was
When I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet
So if all of these trials bring me closer to You
Then I will go through the fire
If You want me to
It may not be the way I would have chosen
When You lead me through a world that's not my home
But You never said it would be easy
You only said I'll never go alone
So when the whole world turns against me
And I'm all by myself
And I can't hear You answer my cries for help
I'll remember the suffering Your love put You through
And I will go through the valley
If You want me to
ok this is really a christian song. but yea it's still a beautiful song ya? wells it's by ginny owens, listening to it now, and yea like it's frm felicity. and it's this really quiet song and stuff. yet powerful. it's gives a feeling of serenity. anyhows, i couldnt find this song, and today i love new radicals. and got it stuck in my head thru the entire bio prac.
hopefully i dun break my streak this time... cuz ive been having this odd streak of luck... where i keep doing better than i expect for well everything these few weeks. maybe it's a confidence thing... i don't know. but i did my 2003 prelims essay and compre with confidence like i was especially relaxed. wish i were born a year earlier.. cuz i got 34 for the essay and 37 for the compre.. goodness those are marks ive never even dreamt of. but i have the horrible tendency of screwing the actual exams up real bad. and they're tmr. but complacency is what got me thru the past mocks and everything. i took it easy. seriously. everyone was mugging and i was telling myself to mug but i was having fun watching disney. watched disney again today. lilo and stitch is sooo cute. ah but i digress. hahs.
well i dunno man... merv got 38 for his essay, same paper different question. i kinda had a cynical view. cynical views get u somewhere. but then again, which singaporean youth isnt cynical? anyhows if only we can combine my compre and his essay, and in his words "TOP THE LEVEL MAN" wahaha.. right. the day i got 100 percentile is the day... the day... oh the day i play along and not try and kill merv when he shits ard with me, esp telling his little cousin idiotic things at his bday thing. merv u watch out, first labelling everything i own and even me with purple postits, then that, then putting my bag on the top shelf(damn u im not that short), then i dunno there's too much! hee im spreading tt when u're drunk u're like a quiet little obedient boy. wahaha. i still think it's so funny. i like ur drunk self *patpat* guai boy. waha...
anyhows anyone read today's today(geez)? the cover page... "An open society? We'll see" i can totally understand it. it just spelt out everything i thought of.
i argued with my parents abt it... hahs. as in abt the whole pm lee going on nat tv and announcing to reduce pressures on education. lemme tell you what they're going to do... they're going to put a coupla formulas to the formula list, then give us another "enrichment course" just like PW that takes up the course of the whole year. basically sub a little something with a bigger other thing. they have a twisted idea of fostering creativity. i read somewhere that students arent allowed to have time to themselves to allow the meandering of their thoughts in the jungle called the mind, and yup, experience with ur surroundings actually foster that. a greater awareness of what's going ard u, not discovered through the news or any other media. fostering creativity isnt giving u a project, then giving u only two topics to choose from. (wow what variety!) fostering creativity isnt breeding social stratification by having the ip on top of already having gep and the mainstream(which is already fragmented), then stressing the poor kids out, forcing them to grow up so fast, giving them tonnes of work, making them do so much "creative work". they're breeding psychological problems more like it. they're quashing creativity. do you know how much people are afraid to fail? is making mistakes such a bad thing? even the free-est spirit can be caged up in a system like this. and yea speaker's corner, hahs. u have to register. waha. it's quite a joke. most of the speaker's corners i know in schools turn out to be a flop. take for example the one in nanyang last time. they had to push kids out to prepare speeches and shit like that. how idiotic is that? people should take the initiative, and if people here wont take the initiative? isn't it high time they start encouraging it by lowering the emphasis on good grades and focusing on what really defines a person, like personality and character? i truly believe that one will thrive if one is doing something one enjoys.
the system here is pushing the best out of the country, i'm sure a place like this wont have troubles with actual local talent. but local talent see greener pastures overseas cuz they don't have beautiful memories to keep of their education here, they didn't have time for such dreams. youths nowadays want a space to express themselves, the system here is one that claims to be democratic but really follows communistic ideals. i really havent agreed with an article more here. there was so much claimed, such lofty ambitions such far-reaching illusions, the education system shall be improved on, we'll have a more open society. my parents tried to say "see? it's not all that bad! they're improving it!" and i argued with them nonstop and stuff. and my dad says im very negative. but it's reality. there's so much social stigma in society here, people expect a certain standard from you, if you go against the flow, it becomes like u're a convict waiting for execution. certain death awaits you. it's honestly a government that's like the world's best shepherd, but then again, the world's best shepherd would be nothing without his obedient sheep. the people here have become so used to the system they accept everything as it comes, few question what they see, few refuse to accept things at face-value. and even those few are eventually squashed like bugs. sure, they do voice their opinions, but when is it ever heard? i bet they had to bribe people to go down to talk on this channel u talkshow tt allows pple to argue on it. and the issues they raise are often pretty shallow. they should try and look at the deeper-rooted problems today rather than respond to a new headline. sure, they get what they want from the education system, everything except creativity, but that's okay. but have they thought that the system has been working like a factory, churning out mass-produced model citizens? you don't want model citizens here, you want people who can think for themselves. people who're not over-reliant on the government to make decisions for them.
and because society is already so rigid here, there is the social stigma that is overwhelming. can people respond well to prods towards the creative direction? and will they actually put into action what they have promised? governments the world over arent famous for keeping to promises. thus the uprising of cynical comic strips. hah. something like this cannot happen overnight, how are u going to change almost everyone in society's strong point of view on meritocracy? you have to be so good at everything in a society like this that it's stifling. allowing people to focus on developing one part of their lives might actually help. you may get amazing talents in certain fields. what's the use of being jack of all trades, master of none? well yea this particular singaporean mentioned that there will be small print explaining the catch and conditions. pretty much a fact of life isn't it? nothing's clearly defined, and neither is a government policy.
and this guy said that something like that is "not an event, it's a process" which is true, it wont be realised in my lifetime, im quite sure of that. and that'll mean it wont be realised in the lifetime of our present government. perspective, perspective. he also said "for major mindset changes, it's going to be in the long run" true again. but ive talked abt that before.
"Don't enclose us and call it paradise"
this other guy said this. i can't agree more. i've never felt more caged up, i can practically feel the coldness and hardness of the steel bars ard me. i have opinions too, and they matter at least to me. so yea, you can own everything in the world, but u realise you're living inside this little snow globe. occasionally things stir up, but you'll never know more than your comfort zone. i'd like to experience life first hand. i don't want to read about others' lives on the news, i don't want to yearn for an alternate world, an alternative lifestyle, yet do nothing about it, just sit here looking longingly thru that glass window, pressing my nose against it.
yup. so there u go. my opinion of this thing. im taking it as practice for gp thou sentences are broken and shit. hahs. well my 03 prelims essay had the same cynicism and yea im prouda it and hahs my dad was willing to even read that essay. there was another essay that was pretty much on feminism, that i did well for too but when i asked him to read it and give me comments, he read it and kept insulting it. cuz he didnt like that i feel so strongly for issues like these... hahs he feels he'll lose me one day cuz i want a career and everything that seems to define only a guy. he wanted me to read this article abt the pope saying stuff like feminism is only a ploy to disrupt the traditional family structure. i threw it away. what exactly is this "traditional family structure" anyway? a subservient housewife and a successful husband? is that the definition of a happy family? nothing's that clear in the world we live in today. must guys always be at the head of the family? must they always hold the highest paying jobs? maybe that big shot guy should go marry his secretary instead. i mean explain all the "bigshot-secretary" affairs blown up, scandalized, in the media. hah. wells... honestly i accept there are differences between male and female, but why play up those differences? accept them discretely. don't go around saying someone's inferior to u just cuz she's female, hasnt gone thru ns, isnt as physically fit, and SUPPOSEDLY isnt as intelligent. that is shallow, so shallow.
yups. hah. great, opinions on two issues in one blog. hahs. anyhows, learnt frm cow that weiming is leaving tmr... haha was quite fun having him in my og last time, it's cool that he went rj and turned out to become great frens with lola/cow/baba/WHATEVER... can't believe it, NYU, and doing business there summore, and working as in actually doing business for real over there too. how good can it get? wish i could fly that high too, but for the moment im sticking close to the ocean, getting my wings wet and sinking lower and lower. (something from a greek legend i shall go find out abt) maybe the gust that will lift be up will come nxt year. just hope weiming'll have a safe flight and have fun there, thou im sure he will, pretty typical. right now it's like we're entering this rite of passage, everyone's growing up to have a semblance of what they might be in the future. friends have drifted apart, perhaps never to regain the same sort of closeness they used to have. people have changed. and people will change. and i will miss them. u can actually miss someone even if u see them regularly. cuz u miss the relationship u had with them.
well, lucks to me for gp tmr.
She needed someone at 6:59 AM
